Damn Straight
by LonelyWriter42
Summary: Byakuya is having a rough day. OOCness maybe.


Damn Straight

Author: LonelyWriter42

Summary: Byakuya is having a rough day.

Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach I wouldn't have to write fan fics about torturing him, I would be doing in the story line.

...

"I am damn straight."

Kuchiki Byakuya looked up at the circle of Taichō ready to put his former Fuku-Taichō in his place. Renji was forever and always falling asleep at the weekly meetings of the Gotei 13 and Byakuya, having worked with the idiot for the past five years, knew he had a tendency to swear and say ridiculous things in his sleep.

What the Great Lord of the Kuchiki didn't expect was every eye in the room on him. He hadn't spoken yet, or had he? Byakuya scrunched up his nose, not that anyone could see of course, and thought back upon his earlier thought process.

He had often heard a strange term from his sister since she returned from living with the ryoka and he knew that it applied in this situation. Train of thought derailment. Not that Byakuya really cared about human terms or even what a train looked like, it was only the expression he found slightly amusing. He had been drifting when the comment had been made, not that he would ever allow that to show on his pristine face, but he had as he always did when Kurotsuchi started in on one of his rambles. Everyone he was sure did it, even Unohana-taichō. There was no way that anyone could actually care what the mad scientist had to say anyway. In fact, Kyōraku and Zaraki were both asleep and had jolted awake with the insensitive comment.

Why were they all staring at him though? Byakuya was not in the least bit vain but he knew that all the girls in the Seireitei believed him to be a work of pure perfection descended from heaven upon such females as them for their own enjoyment. When Byakuya _was_ allowing himself a slight bit of vanity he allowed himself to admire his perfectly symmetrical face and his dark eyes that he had worked long and hard in the mirror to make sure that no emotion ever was reflected in them.

Emotion flickered briefly in them now though. On his quest to remember what he had been thinking about during the meeting he realized that the voice he had heard was a deep, regal timbre that was not at all Renji's voice.

The only ones in the room that had been born into the noble families were Kyōraku, Ukitake, and Kira. These men where the only ones who might posses such a voice and as Byakuya went over his choices he had to eliminate each of them. Kyōraku was a known debaucher so he was out of the question since everyone _knew_ he was straight. Ukitake, while not as flamboyant in his conquests, was also known to be a great paramour in his day. That only left Kira. Which was a real problem since he had finally admitted to everyone at the most formal festival the Seireitei had, the appointing of a new captain, that he was in love with that feather faced Yumichika. The two of them had been going strong for almost a year and everyone had gotten so used to their relationship that no one even thought about it anymore.

The pitch of the voice still bothered Byakuya. If he was willing to admit it, which he naturally wasn't, it sounded a lot like his own voice. But this was of course crazy. Everyone knew he was straight. He liked _girls_. He had been married, dammit. Hisana had been his one true love and he would and could never betray her memory by allowing himself to fall in love again. Her tragic death had nearly sent him over the edge and it was only her request that he find her sister that kept him from joining her in reincarnation. Even now seeing Rukia's face often caused him to stop and pause and remind himself that Hisana was dead; that Rukia was only her sister, not his beloved herself.

"Kuchiki-taichō, do you have something that you would like to share?" Sōtaichō Yamamoto-Genryūsai asked.

Byakuya would have been horrified to admit that a painfully blank look was on his face at that moment, all the dignified grace and poise he had spent so long in perfecting gone. This usually happened when he thought about his dead wife, but he had never allowed it to happen during a formal meeting like this, in fact he had never let it happen when other people where around.

Yes, Hisana had been his one true love and he had a feeling that she had something to do with his outburst. Now what was it? What had he said? I am damn straight. Yes, that was it. The statement itself was simple in its message. He was straight and dammit if anyone said otherwise. His thought process had come full circle and he had a feeling that he was missing a massive part of that process. What would cause him to have such an outburst in the first place? Was it something Rukia had said? No, it was Renji that said it to her but he was repeating it from somewhere else… Matsumoto perhaps? Yes, the busty blonde was a part of it but not the instigator of this. Who was?

Ah, yes. It was Zaraki. It had been something said during one of Kyōraku's midnight drinking parties that everyone in the Seireitei were invited to. Zaraki had commented on Byakuya's apparent lack of interest in women so he had asked if the Kuchiki head even liked the fairer sex. Byakuya had not been at this party since it was so far below him but he had heard about it from many people, not to his face of course, but whispers in the hallways as he passed. And a very loudmouthed sister and childhood best friend.

This party had been a week ago and it had been on Byakuya's mind ever since. Not that he directly addressed this issue since it was so far beneath him, but he had been thinking about it and obviously too much.

Byakuya turned his attention back to the other Taichō of the Gotei 13 gathered and gauged each of their moods in a single glance. Yamamoto-Genryūsai looked close to falling asleep which was normal for him so Byakuya continued to Soi Fon. She looked like she was trying to come up with the best way to kidnap Yoruichi and content in her own little world. Third division Taichō Kira was blinking slowly and had a dazed look in his eyes, whether from lack of sleep or his normal dazed expression Byakuya didn't want to contemplate. Unohana had an understanding look on her face as if to say she knew that he was at issue with his sexual orientation and she would be perfectly willing to accept him either way.

Renji, the new Taichō of Fifth division was staring at Byakuya in shock with his mouth hanging open as if he didn't know his former Taichō knew how to speak. The Six division was of course himself so he looked over at the Seventh division head, Komamura. The dog headed Taichō was also showing signs of having listened to Kurotsuchi for too long, his eyelids drooping before snapping open only to droop again. Kyōraku of the Eighth was staring at Byakuya thoughfully. Byakuya hoped and prayed that the man wasn't contemplating helping the Kuchiki head find himself again. The very thought made him shudder and Byakuya continued on to Hisagi, new Taichō of the Ninth. He was doodling on a piece of paper with a critical expression on his face and Byakuya knew the man was trying to decide if his creation was worthy of the monthly magazine the Ninth printed.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō of the Tenth still looked like he should be in dippers with a bottle in his hand and Byakuya didn't care if the boy was a genius gifted only once every several lifetimes, he was just so darn _young_. Zaraki had woken from his nap at the very beginning of this whole thing but now his head was pressed against the table again in sleep. Twelfth division Taichō Kurotsuchi was glaring at Byakuya because his comment had interrupted an oh so important lecture on the importance of the stupid experiment the Twelfth needed funding for. Ukitake of the Thirteenth was smiling at his former student and Byukuya was the most afraid of what the white haired man would say. Ukitake may look like a sickly man, but he was dangerous when he wanted to be and that usually happened when the man was giving relationship advice.

"Did you have something else you wanted to say?" Yamamoto-Genryūsai asked again.

"No," Byakuya said.

"I think this is something that needs to be discussed though," Renji objected and Kira and Hisagi were both on their feet voicing their support before Renji had even completed his sentence. Where these meetings so boring that the new Taichō had to discuss personal problems of other Taichō to get through them? Byakuya never would have allowed himself to show such disrespect of his elders at his first few meetings as a Taichō but then again, he was cut out of a different cloth than the rest of them.

Unohana was smiling at him again and Byakuya knew he needed to stop everyone, especially _her_ before everything spun out of control.

"For the record," Byakuya said in a cold voice. "I am very much straight and anyone challenging that fact shall meet a cold hard end by Senbonzakura."

"Ah, no one is afraid of you anyway," Zaraki commented. "Everyone knows you are a big softy."

Murmurs of agreement filtered through the room and Byukuya felt his hand inching toward the sword that wasn't there. Perhaps this was the reason that Zanpakuto were not allowed in the meetings. The Taichō would mince each other to pieces.

"I am not a 'big softy,'" Byakuya said in a deadly calm voice.

"Do you want to take this out back?" Zaraki's eyes lit up with the thought of fighting the Kuchiki.

"Do you want to try it?" Byakuya asked.

"Do you want me to be tried?" Zaraki grinned.

"You know what?" Kira asked suddenly.

"Chicken butt!" Renji and Hisagi exclaimed to the confusion of everyone else.

"No," Kira said in a put off tone, "cuddle fish."

"Ah," Renji and Hisagi both nodded. While the comments made no sense what so ever to anyone else the tense situation between Zaraki and Byakuya had faded and the original issue that Byakuya had been trying to figure out had evaporated into the wind.


End file.
